Friday, December 28, 2007

The Reindeer Express Corporation

For legal porpoises, by which I do mean the sea mammal, I wasn’t able to release these phony stocks and their associated company bookmarks until after Christmas. Either that or I’m terribly behind. If all goes well, I’ll actually print all of this out and send it to the people on my list.

In the meantime, I’ll describe this new never-to-make-a-profit/non prophet (no sense of the future) company: Earlier this year we acquired the rights to Santa & Co., a poorly financed, frivolously managed and inefficiently performing sole proprietorship. We’ve spent the last year revamping and updating that system and today we’re announcing the launch of new company, Reindeer Express LLC. Reindeer Express is now the only company to ship exclusively on Christmas Eve. We use a multitude of airships, blimps, airplanes and, of course, winged reindeer (as seen in our official bookmark) all working in concert to accomplish this. Our management will take this company in a very positive re-architected direction. 2008 will mark our entry into this new technology platform and management is very optimistic that it will be a tremendous year of growth, even including increased elf size if not jolly-man girth.

The above is an authentic faux replica of a fake stock certificate. Feel free to print yourself out a copy.

And please take a look at "Don't Feed the Howndders" on Gnemo's Sketchbook.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Then and Now

I like to imagine that the above picture was painted then time and progress happened and the scene below was painted. (Go over to Gnemo's Sketchbook for a new post too.

Here's the full story of Doré Volcanoes:

Living at the edge of instant death, but with limitless steam energy to run their factories, the Valcodians live every day knowing it could easily bring molten death. They work on a rotating schedule with half their life spent at serious toil, and the other half spent in hedonistic abandon. Hundreds of years may go by before one of the ring of volcanoes in their community erupts, and obliterates an outpost. However, they are all keenly aware of the dangerous business they are in. Constant monitoring of the volcano, and a quick escape route that takes the populous behind some distant rock has on occasion saved lives, but is usually futile.